January 29, 2010

I Thank The Selfish Victoria. Yes I Do

(Well, obviously more pix from Newport Beach...)
En tanke som slog mig idag: Tänk om jag inte hade fått en ny värdfamilj (för er som inte vet det så bytte jag familj efter en månad av diverse anledningar...), en som jag trivs så grymt bra med så det är inte sant. Tänk om jag hade fått en familj på östkusten, mitten av landet eller var som (inte för att det kanske hade vart dåligt eller så..) undra hur mitt liv sett ut då. Hade jag velat åka hem efter ett år då, eller hade jag förlängt då med? Och tänk om jag inte fått en ny familj alls- och jag hade fått packa mina väskor och flygit hem till Sverige efter en månad?! Tänk va mkt saker jag hade gått miste om ! Tänk hur många underbara personer jag hade gått miste om! Tänk va många platser jag hade missat. Tänk hur mycket engelska jag hade gått miste om! Tänk va ja hade missat. Tänk hur mycket mer social jag blivit. Tänk hur jag förändrats som person (till bättre förhoppningsvis..?). Tänk hur mycket starkar jag blivit. Tänk så mkt saker som jag gått igenom här som jag hade missat om jag i första början inte ens åkt hit, eller om jag hade vart tvungen att åka hem. Ja, ni fattar min poäng. Även om det inte alltid vart/är frid och fröjd så är detta lätt i topp på listan av det bästa sakerna jag gjort i mitt liv ! Aldrig att jag ångrar att jag åkte hit. Klart- jag saknar alla mina björnar hemma i Sverige ngt så grymt ! Men ja säger då det- tack vare internet och skype och allt sånt så klarar jag mig! Jag kan se dom när jag vill, jag kan prata med dom när jag vill. Så ja är nöjd. Ibland känner jag mig också lite självisk att jag är här- men å andra sidan har jag aldrig vart en självisk person (kommentera om ni tycker annat....?) så ja känner att jag har faktiskt rättigheter att vara det angående detta.
Tack Victoria för att du tog steget och åkte hit ! Tack ! (och tack för att ni läser...)

Translation:
Something that crossed my mind today: What if I never got a new hostfamily (for you guys that don't know: I changed family after my first months in the states for different reasons...), and got a new one that I am extremely happy for! What if I had gotten a family on the east coast or somewhere in the middle of the country (not saying that would have been bad or anything..), but I wonder how my life would have looked like if things never turned out the way it did. Would I have left after a year, or would I have extended even if I were not to be here?
And what if I wouldn't even have gotten a new family in the first place and would have left the states after just a month?! Think about all the things I would have missed out on ! Think how many wonderful people I would have missed out on ! Think about all the awesome places I've visited. Think about all the English skills I would have missed out on. Think- I would have missed out on so much ! Think how more social I have become. Think how much I've changed as a person (in a good way, hopefully..?). Think about how much stronger I have become. Think about all the things that have happened during my time here that I would have missed if I didn't go here in the first place, or if I would have gone home. Yes, you see my point. Even if everything isn't/haven't always been a sweet ride I am proud to say that "coming to Cali is definitely one of the best things I've done in my life ! No doubt about that!
Of course I miss all my teddy bears back in Sweden ! But still- thanks to internet and skype and all that- I'm fine . I can see them whenever I want to, I can talk to them whenever I want to. So I'm happy. Sometime, I must say, I feel kinda selfish to be here- but on the other hand I've never been a selfish person (comment if you got another opinion about me..) and I feel I have the right to be a bit selfish regarding this.
Thanks Victoria for taking the step over the Atlantic Ocean and going to CA! Thanks ! (.. and thanks for reading)

14 comments:

heart charlie said...

This is a very beautiful and thoughtful post. You seem like a lovely and brave person, it warms my heart to read your thoughts on this blog. I love those photos! So happy and cute ;)

Mamma said...

Nej du är verkligen ingen självisk person, och jag unnar dig verkligen allt detta underbara, även om jag är självisk och helst hade haft dig här hemma. Men passa på och njut av din tid där nere/ Kram

Mo said...

what a nice post...i totally understand and im sure you're not selfish ! i felt exactly the same and i was there (and it was Arkansas lol !) being there bring the best out of you somehow... you truly deserve all this as it's gonna make you the person you're suppose to become (if that makes sense).

I love playing what if...what if that girl at kristianstad university had not given up her spot to go to the USA in 2006, my bf would not have been there and i would not live in Stockholm today !!!

ninnie said...

Hun, hur mkt jag än saknar dig och vill ha dig här så tackar jag också Victoria för att hon åkte... Hon förtjänar det och this has been really good for u!
O de e inte självisk kära du! <3<3<3

michelle_ said...

i love how you take your photos for this blog . there's this artsy and vintage feel of it :D

what camera are you using ?

t h a n k s . for your c o m m e n t s
hugs & kisses from
miCHELLE @ GLISTERS&BLISTERS

Julls said...

I love this post and the photos !

cherrycolla said...

oh my god! california!!! i love the orange country serial! yeaaaah i love sunny. damn it , in my city - winter!;/ snow;/


:*

geisharock said...

beautiful pictures and such a poignant post! you are so brave to have moved out to america all by yourself - i am so jealous!! i want to go to california! i'm living in the UK at the moment but i think i'm definitely more of a hot weather girl...

xxx

Victoria-H said...

Mamma o Ninnie: ni är bäst ! Älskar er ! <3

Vicky Andersen said...

I felt very inspired by this post! And really wanted to write something similar on my page... Kinda like "What if?" Didn't know how to put it all down in writing though...
I'm just saying, that I'm really thankful that you did change family... And that you ended up right where I was :) Weird to think about all these... "what if you hadn't", "what if you'd gone someplace else", "what if you'd decided to go home instead", etc etc...
I kinda hope that it's all been decided beforehand... Like in some odd way! That you have always been supposed to go to Los Altos, CA... it just took a d-tour getting there. I wanna believe it's one's destiny... If you know what I mean?!
Of course we make choices at such, but I still wanna believe there's a greater meaning to it... And you know what! I believe my extension was my chance of meeting you <3
I wasn't supposed to go home before you had come into my life!

Vicky Andersen said...

And hey! Someone once told me... Doing what your meant to be doing can never be selfish! I kinda feel or I felt the same way... Now I've figured out, that I simply have to live my own life and that everyone else will be fine, even though they might want something else...
You can't be everywhere... and you really only have to be where it feels completely right to you; even though that means leaving loved ones "behind".
If your heart is where you are, it's neither wrong, selfish or anything else, but right!

Sara said...

jag älskar bilderna! Du är så duktig :)

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